Snakes and Ladders

After an enforced break of two weeks due to the weather, hostilities resumed at the Glamorganshire with Week Seven of the Snakes and Ladders Competition.

In recent months, sponsors have been sought for the tee markers and many Snakers thought that in that context, that the gleaming Jaguar car adjacent to the eighteenth green was on offer for a hole-in-one or even nearest to the pin. Sadly, it belonged to the DJ from the previous night’s Valentine’s Dinner and Dance!

Continuing with the Valentine’s theme, Nigel Swaine was spotted buying flowers from the Spar Store at 8am on Sunday. Speculation was rife. Were they a late Valentine’s gift for someone special or for his playing partner Bob Bubbins!

Later on, Keith Nicholls interrupted the Chief Snake during the speeches to announce that Jammy, a true romantic, had managed to excel himself this year by sending his beloved no less than a personalised Valentine’s Card. This prompted murmurs of grudging admiration (and some jeering!), but the illusion of undying love lasted only a few seconds as Nicksy displayed the said card, which was red with the Manchester United badge prominently displayed. Jammy tried to retrieve the situation saying that he had been very happily married for longer than he could remember, but then showed his true colours by stating that the highlight for him was definitely 1999 when Manchester United won the Treble!

On the course, Nigel Swaine provided further evidence of his fragile mental state, shouting  “Fore right!” instead of “Fore left!” on the 12th hole, almost killing Bob Lakin, who gracefully avoided the ball with a shimmy of his new snake hips! Nigel is reported to be taking his driving test for the 7th time next week!

Liam Bevan recorded the sole air-shot of the day at 11:40 on the 15th. At the top of the table John Redknap and Richie Collins toppled much-fancied Jordan Price-Davies and Liam Bevan, and Huw Elias and Peter Ingram were beaten by Peter Edmunds and Mike Desmond.

The winners clash next week. Will the one shot that John and Richie receive on the 6th prove crucial? The only other unbeaten pair is John Letton and Gwyn Griffiths who overcame Phil Harris and Nigel Jones. At the other end of the board, winless pairings compete with Bill Blunsden  and Alan (“Big Al”) Hyett having to give two shots to Tony Stevens and Malcolm House playing each other.

Bill is this week’s new loss leader in the “Fat Club”, and will want to restrict any further losses to his waistline. Paul Mantle and Martin Best are the third pair yet to break their duck. Ironically, both “Big Al” and Paul are recent Snakes winners, while Tony has collected the Wooden Spoon. Will recent roosters become feather dusters? Will Tony need to search out his Spoon Speech? Much will depend upon next week’s matches.

Watch this Space!

Which tee are we off

Hole-in-one prize!

Andy lines up a difficult putt

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Year of the Snake Begins Badly for Snakers!

In the Chinese Calendar, 2013 is the year of the Black Snake which began on Sunday February 10th shortly after the new moon in Aquarius. The year would seem to bode well for golfers, in that it represents steady progress and attention to detail, with focus and discipline being necessary to achieve specific aims. All well and good, except that the weather once again led to Snakers losing another Sunday at the dawn of their special year! Despite the optimism of Greens’ Chairman, Phil Carling, the 7:45 a.m. message stating that the course was open, was quickly followed by a text to golfers and an updated answerphone message informing disgruntled participants who had donned wet suits and various waterproofs that the greens were flooded, and that there would be no golf. This message obviously didn’t reach Jeff Osbourne who turned up to play dressed as a Flowerpot Man, presumably because he couldn’t find any waterproofs. No one is quite sure why, but it was possibly in homage to the recent 60th anniversary of Bill and Ben on December 12th.“Flobbalobbalob shobbalob!”

Course management continues despite the weather, and the latest cull involved, among others, the huge conifer to the right of the twelfth and another adjacent to the eighteenth green. Match Captain, Leon Reece, was canvassing the views of members in respect of these alterations/improvements, and, generally, most were in favour, with the proviso that they could each reclaim at least three dozen balls which, over the years, they had deposited in the former hazards! Even with the three Sundays lost in to the weather, the likely winners of the Spring Snakes are not obvious, but several pairings remain undefeated. Indeed, when the weather allows for a resumption of hostilities, at the moment, only six pairings are unbeaten. Off the first tee, something has to give with John Redknap and Richie Collins taking on Jordan Price-Davies and Liam Bevan. Huw Elias and Peter Ingram are up against Peter “Porky” Edmunds and Mike Desmond, and, perennial bandit John Letton and partner Gwyn Griffiths pit their skills against Phil Harris and Nigel Jones.

Clearly, the Year of the Snake will have a considerable impact upon members of the Glamorganshire, since, in this year, people are reputed to be thoughtful and wise and to approach problems rationally, logically, and seldom instinctively (Committee please note!). Such people are complex individuals, apparently being clever and men of few words from their birth. Their business always goes well, but very often they are stingy, and sometimes egoistic and conceited. However they can be very active in their friends’ life. They are often too active, not believing other people and relying only on themselves. Snakes are allegedly also very insightful and naturally intuitive. 2014 is the Year of the Tiger, which some would deem to be even more appropriate for a golf club!Approach to 18th

Eighteenth Green

Snakes and Ladders

Trees Removed To Build Ark!

Bad news for some! Chief Snake leads the Snakers Song! Only Joking! Leylandii hazard removed!! Weary trudge! Perfect approach by Martin

After two Sundays lost to torrential rain, the Spring Snakes resumed at the Glamorganshire in a slightly abbreviated format with three holes closed. Buggies and trolleys continued to be banned for protection of the course, but, in the light of Saturday’s rugby results, there was a dispensation for those whose origins are east of Offa’s Dyke to use low-swinging chariots for the day! Despite the weather, some course maintenance has taken place in recent weeks, particularly in respect of the Leylandii which guarded the route to the 17th Green. Theoretically, this should make life easier for the higher handicappers, but the reality was that many found themselves in their usual place, but behind neatly stacked wood piles, instead of foliage or at the base of trees.

On the course, the hole closures necessitated some last-minute re-arrangements, and a message was posted on the Club Answer Phone at 7:30 confirming that the Snakes would be played. By 8:15 Assistant Professional, Peter Hunt was so concerned by the apparent lack of numbers that he sent out a text reminder. Despite this, a few golfers wrongly assumed that the course would be closed for a third Sunday. Please check gentlemen, as a no-show generally lets down both your opponents and your partner. In the context of this problem Dave Gooding put in the star performance of the day. With his partner James Rainbird enjoying a lie-in. Dave had to give 25 shots to his opposition Dave Stephens and Greg Morgan, but still won 3 and 2!

Air shots were recorded by Tony Stephens on the 11th, and Maurice Flynn on the 16th. Maurice remarked “I haven’t had an air shot for ages”, only for Mike Hennessey to respond, “That’s because we haven’t played for weeks!” Mike Hooper is one of the more tonsorially challenged members of our club, and was taken to task by someone waiting for the hairdryer, with the cruel put down, “Hurry up, it’s for hair not skin!” The Chief Snake presided over the speeches, with his usual aplomb, and once again, Gwyn Griffiths’ anticipation of collecting a bottle of Scotch in the raffle was cruelly dashed with a resounding chorus of “Only joking!” at the critical moment.

Jammy finally gave us an update on the progress of the “Fat Club”. This runs in tandem with the Snakes and the dozen or so members vie with each other to lose the most weight. Like the Snakes there can be heated arguments, except that body mass replaces handicaps. Smaller “Fat Club” members argue that it’s easier to lose a lot of weight if you’re bigger, and that the winner should be determined by greatest percentage loss.  So far they have collectively lost over seven stone; with former Cardiff RFC back row forward Bob Lakin leading the way. Like the Snakes, however, it’s far too early to call the winner. Phil Harris clearly doesn’t grasp the concept, as he has managed to put on weight!