Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.
— Grantland Rice
Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become. This is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.
— John Updike
It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.
— Robert Lynd
If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.
— Horace G. Hutchinson
They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.
— Gardner Dickinson
If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they’d starve to death.
— Sam Snead
Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.
— William Wordsworth
If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.
— Dean Martin
If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don’t have to waste energy going back to pick it up.
— Tommy Bolt
Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.
— Bishop Sheen
I don’t say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they’d come up sliced.
— Arnold Palmer
My handicap? Woods and irons.
— Chris Codiroli
The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.
— Pete Dye
I’m hitting the woods just great; but having a terrible time getting out of them!
— Buddy Hackett
The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf.
— Billy Graham
If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
— Jack Lemmon
It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
— Mark Twain
Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
— Harry Vardon
Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them.
— Jimmy DeMaret
May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters.
— Ben Hogan
If I hit it right, it’s a slice. If I hit it left, it’s a hook. If I hit it straight, it’s a miracle.
The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.
— George Deukmejian
Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.
— Lee Trevino
Reason they call it golf is cuz all the other four-letter words were taken.
— Woody Woodbury
The No. 1 Golf rule you MUST follow: take the car keys and cell phone out of your golf bag before you throw it into the creek.